


the district sleeps alone tonight

by reversetheuniverse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Post-Sburb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reversetheuniverse/pseuds/reversetheuniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The world seemed to move in a sort of a blur more and more often these days, and you couldn't tell if it was because you were moving so fast or because you had slowed down time without knowing it. You could feel a hollowness in your chest as you climb the stairs, your mind instantly counting each second with precision according to the ever-shifting earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

You don't quite remember how long you've been sitting in the grass, staring up at the hot blazing sun beating down on your glistening skin, and you're not even sure how you got here in the first place. It was an enigma, a mystery of a riddle you couldn't quite grasp, couldn't quite solve. You'd been like this for weeks now, and you guess it's mostly because the sun was something you missed. You can't remember the last time you actually wanted to spread yourself on the ground and face the Texan sun with a sense of longing, but the newfound desire had your head spinning.

Maybe you should hydrate yourself. Heat stroke is not a thing to be taken lightly.

Despite wearing shades, you still shield your eyes with your forearm as you push off the ground, sitting upward with your legs outstretched in front of you. You just sit there like that for a good minute or so, soaking in the feeling of the warm sun on your pale-as-fuck cracked porcelain skin before finally using the muscles in your legs that had felt worn from long overuse. Your tongue is dry in your mouth, scratching the roof with an unpleasant sandpaper-like texture that causes your flesh to crawl. You silently make your way back into your apartment complex, passing by empty faces with names that you had long-since forgotten. The world seemed to move in a sort of a blur more and more often these days, and you couldn't tell if it was because you were moving so fast or because you had slowed down time without knowing it. You could feel a hollowness in your chest as you climb the stairs, your mind instantly counting each second with precision according to the ever-shifting earth.

 

~

 

You're suddenly gasping for breath as you jerk awake, sitting up and leaning forward as you thread your fingers through your own hair that is drenched with sweat. Your heart races and you're almost afraid that it'll leap out of your chest, but then you remember that death is nothing but a close and personal friend to you, and you've bested his game more than enough times that it shouldn't even matter anymore. He still taunts, however, and you and your dreams are always filled with his crimson tears, each with a recurring theme.

You find the room temperature glass of water seated on the nightstand beside your bed and you push the covers away, slinging your legs over the side as you touch the cool glass to your lips. You drink until the entire contents of the glass container is drained, setting it back onto the table with a _clink_ once you've finished. You stretch your arms over your head and then notice, peering over in the corner of the room, that your computer is still awake, the bright glow stinging your eyes in the rest of the dark. You place your shades back onto the bridge of your nose and then rise from the bed, seating yourself at your torn-fabric computer chair, one that has needed to be replaced for quite a long time now.

Once you're on, you stare at the screen for something, _anything_ to do, because the thought of sleep is really only just a thought, no more a reality for tonight. You got little sleep most nights, so this was a normal routine for you. You bite your lip when you notice the tiny yellow icon tucked away into the corner of your monitor screen, and with a click and a hitch in your breath, the application opens up, a list of colors peering in front of you. You know most of them have long since been decommissioned, very much so faded from existence. You know of three, however, that will still light up for you, at any time of day (that was a lie, since you know full well that they operate on different schedules than you.) Your mind traces over each color--

_Blue?_

No, not that one. You know how much he needs his beauty sleep. He's told you time and time again to the point that he flat out ignores you when you've tried to contact him in the middle of the night.

_Purple?_

You don't have the time to be psychoanalyzed. You knew exactly what was wrong because she felt it too--they all felt it--and that's not what you need. You need someone to talk to, someone who won't pry into every last detail of your life. Someone like . . .

_Green?_

Ah, yes, green. Green, green, green, green, _green_. It was such an obvious answer, but also something that you had tried to avoid. Something about bothering her in general didn't feel right, but you were determined to talk to someone, and if anything, she was the number one choice. You had always known that.

You open up the chat client and with slight hesitation your fingertips hover over the keys a few seconds before finally plunging down in order to move rhythmically across each one as you type out quick, short messages.

 

TG: hey

TG: uh

TG: are you up rn

 

You wait with baited breath to see if she actually does reply, and you're almost sure she's not going to until that familiar green text pops up on the screen like some sort of godsent.

 

GG: oh

GG: hey

GG: . . .

GG: its been awhile

TG: yeah

TG: sorry about that

TG: . . .

TG: if it makes you feel any better i havent talked to john or rose for a while either

GG: sure, i guess

GG: well

GG: lets just forget about that for right now

GG: whats up?

 

You're not quite sure what to say next. You hadn't planned for her to even respond in the first place, and it made it worse that you could tell she felt uncomfortable and hesitant. You should've talked to her earlier, should've talked to _all_ of them earlier, but it was just easier to keep radio silence. It gave you time to think, and you kind of liked being isolated and alone at first.

 

_At first._

 

You place your fingers back onto the keyboard and start typing away.

 

TG: i couldnt sleep much

TG: woke up in a sweat panting like a motherfucking dog on hot summer day after traipsing around in the park like a goddamn idiot

TG: probably sounds dumb now that i think about it

 

You regret typing that, wishing you could take it back as soon as you sent it, but instead you get a response you wouldn't think she would ever relay to you, especially after the amount of time you've spent ignoring her.

 

GG: no, it is not dumb

GG: its been happening to me, too

 

Well you'll be damned.

 

TG: whelp

TG: looks like were in the same boat

TG: floating in the same goddamn sea

TG: probably the same one christopher columbus sailed in

TG: you know

TG: before he went and fucked everything up

TG: you know i think im starting to see the limbs of his lost ship mates

TG: i say lost but we all know he threw them fucking overboard because they found out that he was basically a big back of dicks

TG: poor little jimmy never even had a chance

TG: rest in fucking pieces you piece of shit

GG: dave

GG: youre rambling again

TG: right

TG: sorry

 

You got too ahead of yourself. She wasn't here for your regular Dave bullshit. She was here because _you_ wanted to talk to her and right now all you were giving her was shitty inaccurate ramblings about fucking Christopher Columbus. You compose yourself again before responding.

 

TG: so whats been making you squirm in the middle of the night

 

God, you sound like a fucking idiot.

 

GG: the game

GG: what else would it be?

GG: i am still caught up in sequences of events that happened spinning through my mind in an endless cycle

GG: i even go as far as doubting whether or not it actually happened

GG: then i remember that becs not here anymore

GG: and that im nineteen years old and not a stupid thirteen year old who knew absolutely nothing because she was raised by a canine as a father figure

GG: so i guess thats validation enough

GG: how about you?

 

The passiveness about her makes you feel uneasy. She was always the one out of all of you who was the most outgoing, most bubbly person in the world. She was always good at being the only person to put a smile upon your face, at least an absolutely genuine smile. Now she was about as solemn as you were on a daily basis, and you hated it. You wished nothing of the sort upon her, but you can't even blame her. You've been through a lot of emotional and physical trauma the last few years of your life, and now that you're thrown back into the world, you're not sure how to deal with it. Your Bro did you no favor by buying frozen dinners for the table everyday, so now providing food for yourself involved learning to cook. It was an absolute nightmare, actually learning how to live life. In some respects, you still felt like a thirteen year-old, and the thought made you cringe.

 

TG: its essentially the same for me

TG: i still have no goddamn clue how to cook even a fucking poptart and i have to do taxes and pay for rent and its so fucking stupid

TG: im just glad bro was like a fucking millionaire and so i dont have to worry about getting a job until im like

TG: elderly

TG: well maybe not elderly

TG: i just dont have to worry about that extra shit on top of everything for a little while

GG: no dave

GG: thats not what i meant

GG: i wanted to know why you wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night too

GG: or if we want to go further

GG: i wanted to know why you chose this night of all nights to contact me

GG: you seemed pretty hellbent on ignoring us

GG: me especially

GG: i just

GG: . . .

GG: i dont know where i was going with that

 

And there it is. All the questions you never wanted her to ask but were inevitable laid out into one whole minute. You hated yourself for it, too. She was right for calling you out on your shit. She was always good at that. You didn't know if you even had a plausible answer for any of those questions, either. Or any explanations that she would like to hear. You're about to respond when the bright green text pops back up again.

 

GG: i am moving

 

_Oh?_

 

TG: oh?

GG: and rose

GG: and john

 

_What??_

 

GG: we are going to come live in texas with you

GG: we decided it a bit ago

GG: when you stopped talking to us

 

_Shit._

 

TG: now why would you wanna go and do a dumbass thing like that

TG: trust me jade you dont wanna live in texas

TG: its hot every single damn day

TG: well i guess it is hot where you are

TG: being that you live on a fucking island in the middle of fucking nowhere

TG: im getting carried away

TG: but theres nothing to do

TG: and no one is even really nice at all

TG: its a goddamn nightmare

TG: i just dont understand

 

After you say that, you're left to five minutes full of silence. You think you might've said something wrong at first, but you honestly have no idea why it'd take her a long time to respond. In the past you might've pegged the blame on Bec the hellhound wonder, but he's been absent for a long while. Suddenly a flash of green pops up and you see a single response that makes your heart drop like the fucking titanic.

 

GG: we are lonely, dave.

 

It takes you a whole minute to register that she's referring to all four of you. You want to protest and tell her that that's the world's shittiest idea in the world and she should just stay on her island like a sane person, but you know that's not fair. So you type back one word:

 

TG: okay


	2. Chapter 2

Rose is the first one to roll out of the terminal at exactly ten o' nine in the morning, and you're suddenly washed over with a wave of grief from how much you actually missed her. Sure, you always had your Bro whom you looked up to more than anything, but your relationship between you and your ectobiological sister was much more authentic than that. Of course, she knew exactly how to get onto every last goddamn nerve in your body, but she still cared about you and you she, and when you finally were close enough to her you pulled her into a tight embrace, resting your chin on top of her head.

"I would assume that by your blatant display of affection that you actually missed me, Strider," she says, and you can hear her coy smile through the tone, but you don't really care. She was right, and you didn't care one bit.

"Hell yeah."

After that the two of you wait together for your next companion to make his appearance, catching up on lost time that you had originally avoided by shutting off contact with everyone. She tells you she's writing a book about the whole experience, a fiction novel to the outside world, and you tell her that you wouldn't expect anything less of her. You suppose it might be the next classic, if she ever manages to finish it. You're not really quite sure if your adventure is finished yet yourself, but you don't tell her that.

Three hours of talking incessantly pass and John is spotted by Rose, meandering about the airport with a puzzled look on his face as he pretends (poorly at that) to not be lost. Rose calls his name and his blue eyes light up when he spots the two of you waving him over, jogging to you as fast as he can manage. He wraps up you and Rose into a huge hug, squeezing the breath out of the both of you. Rose manages slips out of his grasp and you follow suit, and soon the three of you are seated together, talking about every last thought that seems to crop up into your minds. At one point you decide to get dinner because you're absolutely starving and, according to John and Rose, "Airplane food really sucks ass." So you pick out a restaurant in the airport and even though they charge the shit out of you, you don't mind paying extra.

"Hm, it's getting quite late, isn't it?" Rose announces after a while, checking her phone for the time. You didn't really need a clock to tell you what time it was, but you humor yourself by looking at it anyway.

_11:20 PM._

"Jeez, is it that late already?!" John exclaims, taking a sip of his water.

"It appears to be so. Who knew we could talk each other to death," Rose grins, her eyes flickering between the two of you. "I suppose I ought to go make my way over to my own place of residency. I am quite tired."

"Yeah, I kind of agree with Rose. I would wait around, but I have the worst case of jet lag," John chimes in. You raise a brow at your bespectacled friend.

"You're literally an hour's difference in time from me."

"I need my beauty rest, Dave."

And just like that, the two desert you with promises that all four of you will catch up together tomorrow, when fatigue is not quite tugging at their eyelids. You wave goodbye to them and then find a seat somewhere in the airport while you await your final guest, who seems to be taking quite a while to get here. You find yourself feeling that same cloud of lethargy wash over your eyes soon enough, and you think that if you just close your lids and rest for a bit then you'll be perfectly fine when she arrives . . .

"Dave, get up you big oaf."

Something knocks into your legs and your eyes flicker open, the corner of your mouth wet with drool. You wipe at your face with your jacket sleeve, and when you turn to the source of the voice you're suddenly wide awake, and your mouth can't seem to refrain from twisting into the biggest smile ever. Her soft chartreuse eyes turn bright soon after and you pull her close to you, your arms wrapping tightly around her as you nuzzle your face into her hair.

"It's been too fucking long, Harley," you breathe, and you find that your heart is beating wildly, almost right out of your chest. Her voice vibrates against your skin, and for some reason it's oddly comforting.

"Ditto, Strider."

You eventually will yourself to let her go, but once you do you immediately miss the feeling of her warmth against you. You remain unbelievably cool about the whole situation, but your mind is still swarming all over the place. You blame it partly on the fatigue, but you can't help but notice how fucking gorgeous she's gotten. Her bronze skin is healthy and shining, which you deduce (not much detective work is involved) is due to spending many days outside in the jungle of her island. Her hair is smooth and wavy, curling around her face delicately, and her eyes are still a stunning green as usual. You would assume more than anything that she's had a less shittier time adjusting than any of you, but then again, healthy on the outside doesn't always mean healthy on the inside.

"So, ready to go?"

"John and Rose aren't joining us?" she asks. You make a noncommittal gesture with your shoulders before sticking your hands into your pants pocket.

"They were tired and left. Said they'd hang out in the morning." You think she'd be a lot more upset if it weren't for the fact that the night and _actual_ jet lag had caught up to her.

"Mhm, I think I can deal with that, to be honest." You offer to take care of a few of her bags as you walk outside to the front of the airport, showing her the way to your beaten-down pick-up truck that you had found a couple months back. Sure, you could go out and purchase any car you wanted, but this one was good enough for you.

The two of you load the luggage into the back before climbing inside the front of the car. You buckle up and then stick the key into the ignition and turn on the car, the sound of the engine purring.

"Here's the address," she says, handing you a slip of paper scribbled with blue ink. You recognize the address right away, mainly because it's right in your own building.

"Hm, looks like we'll be a couple of floors away from each other," you tell her, but she ignores you as she leans against your shoulder, her eyes closing tightly as she floats away to dreamland. You tense up at the gesture at first, but you become accustomed to it a minute later. You pull out of the airport and you make your way towards your apartment complex, the twinkling lights of Houston shining against the darkened night sky.

 

~

 

You wake up with a jolt when you hear screaming, and for a second you think it's your own, but then you remember that you're not alone in this little apartment space, no, not today. You quickly brush the covers off your lap and run to the living room, finding Jade in a fit as she's hunched over on the couch, tears streaming down her cheeks. You almost can't breathe for a moment because you're scared, scared you won't know how to help her. Her screams turn to heart-wrenching sobs, and suddenly you're right on the dusty old couch with her, holding her tightly against your chest as you gently stroke her hair in an effort to calm her down.

"Oh god, Jade, are you okay?" you breathe, your voice straining as your throat closes in on itself. She doesn't respond but clings to your chest desperately, hot tears rolling down your skin. You begin to rub her backside gently in order to calm her down, pressing soft circles into her shoulder blades. It helps to calm her down a bit, but it takes her about half an hour before she can even manage to utter a single word. You don't mind it a bit, just holding her against yourself as you hush her, and it pains you to see her in a state like this. Sure, you've woken up a couple of times from your nightmares, your throat burning because you've exhausted your vocal cords, but you make a conjecture that this isn't the first time she's dealt with this sort of thing.

"It hurts," she finally mutters after a while, her head still buried in your chest.

"What hurts?" 

"My head, my chest, _everything_. It just hurts and I can't make the room stop spinning. I just keep seeing images of all of us, just flashes, but sometimes they linger and it's hard to keep going through that kind of pain night after night--" She tries to continue rambling but you don't let her, pushing her fallen locks out of her face.

" _I know_."

She turns her solemn green eyes up at you after that, still ringed with red after sobbing intensely, and she wonders what you mean by that. You don't tell her right then, no, if the occasion were ever to arise where the question crops up, perhaps when the two of you are alone, you wouldn't hesitate to tell her. You've seen a million dead bodies, and even though a good portion were of you, a lot more of them seemed to be of only one person in particular, and those were the nights in which you howled with pain, because it was much, _much_ worse than ripping a band aid off your skin. It was a pain that resonated within your whole person, and you found that it would be so crippling that you would lie in your bed for an hour, paralyzed as you watched the ceiling with your breaths getting caught in your chest.

She begins chuckling all of a sudden and you don't know why, because this goddamn girl was _just_ having a fit as of five seconds ago. You think she's maybe done an acrobatic fuckinng pirouhette off a cliff into crazyland, but when she starts touching your cheeks with her light, delicate fingertips, only then do you realize you're not wearing your shades. You become stiff in response to her touching your face and laughing at you, but you know she means nothing by it.

"Your eyes are probably about as red as mine are right now and you weren't even crying," she continues to laugh, her puffy red cheeks no longer dripping with tears. You thin your lips and look down at her, unamused.

"Gee, thanks, Har."

Her mouth twists to the side as she looks up at you, tilting her head and gazing at you with one brow raised, as if to say, _"Oh, get over it, Dave."_ You suddenly remember that she has long since calmed down from her fit and yet you still have her pressed up against you, one hand gripping her back and the other holding her hand, your thumb resting on her palm. You think to yourself that if there were any single time for Rose and John to walk into your house and it'd fuck over your life, now would be an awesome time. You peel yourself away from her, rising from the couch.

"I gotta go take a shower. I'll show you down to your door later." You abandon her at the couch and make your way back into your own room, closing the door behind you. You notice that your computer is lit up with notifications and you sit down for a minute in order to respond.

 

TT: Dave, are you there?

TT: Come on, you can't really sleep in that late.

TT: In fact, I know that you don't sleep in that late because you don't sleep at all.

TT: Dave?

TG: alright calm your shit lalonde im here

TG: what do you want

TT: Ah, there you are, Dave. I was just wondering if you were ever going to contact us about meeting up.

TT: I wasn't worried much about you, but when Jade didn't respond I got a little suspicious.

TG: everythings cool

TG: shes here with me

TT: Jade is with you?

TG: yup

TT: Hmmmmmm.

TG: oh no dont you go hmming me

TG: i know exactly what youre thinking and it isnt anything like that

TT: And what exactly was I thinking?

TT: I only said, "Hmmmmm."

TT: What on earth could that possibly be referring to?

TG: first of all hmmmm means everything in the realm of possibility with you

TG: and second of all jade is at my place because she got in at like three in the fucking morning and was basically asleep by the time we got to the apartment

TG: so i just took her to my couch and was gonna show her to her place in the morning

TG: and here we are

TG: talking about this shit like its as groundbreaking as scientists finding out theres water and shit on mars

TG: like hold the presses

TT: You're right, it wasn't my place to assume anything.

TT: But considering your track record with her . . .

TG: track record

TG: what the fuck you talkin about rose

TT: I think you better get back to whatever it was you were doing.

TT: Just let me know when the two of you are ready to meet up with John and I.

 

Just like that she's disappeared, and you're left feeling pissed at her as per usual. She knows exactly how to get onto your nerves and she uses that knowledge to her own advantage. You feel like maybe having a sister close by was not as worth it as you originally thought. It's too late, however, and you'll just have to learn how to deal with it.

You push your bathroom door open and strip, stepping into the shower and turning on the water. Lukewarm droplets touch your skin rapidly and you run your hair through it, closing your eyes and allowing yourself to think.

_Considering your track record with her . . ._

What the hell did Rose even mean by that? You and Jade had no sort of track record, at least not with the implications she was hinting at. Sure, the two of you had been best friends for a really long time, all of you had, but you weren't . . . you definitely didn't . . . You weren't going to press further on the issue, because no further speculation was needed.

You step out of the shower once you're done, drying yourself off and wrapping a white cotton towel around your waist afterward. You take a minute to look at yourself in the mirror and study your features. You push your fingertips against the bags under your eyes, staring at the sorry state of your skin. You've gained a lot more freckles due to sun exposure, your cheeks full of them. You heave a sigh and open up your medicine cabinet behind your mirror, removing your stick of deodorant and applying it before replacing it back in its original spot. You hear a knock on the door when you begin to brush your hair with your old plastic comb, and you set it down on the counter, peering around the doorway.

"Come in."

Jade pops her head around the corner, a gallon of apple juice in her hand.

"I know how much you love apple juice, so I just wanted to know if I was allowed to have any . . . " She drops her face immediately when she sees you, her cheeks becoming a light rosy color. You raise a brow at her.

"Anything wrong, Har?" She averts her attention away from you quickly, focusing on the ground as she tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Uh, no. I'm fine. It's . . . ah . . . apple juice?" She hoists the plastic container in the air slightly, her eyes barely shifting to look at yours.

"Yeah, it's cool--" you begin to say, but as soon as you utter the first word she's out of the room, the door closing shut behind her. You fold your arms across your chest, wondering what the heck's gotten into her, but then you remember that you're in only a towel, quite under dressed in the company of a friend whom you've barely even seen for months, save for never even having had a real chat for quite some time during the game. You feel your own cheeks start to warm up a bit, but you try to ignore it, pushing away any other thoughts about the subject that might've cropped up.

You throw on some fresh clothing a couple minutes later, picking out a pair of black jeans, your old record t-shirt, and red converses. Once you've changed you sit back at the computer, noticing a message from John this time.

 

EB: are you there?

TG: yeah im here

TG: whats up

EB: rose has been telling me things.

EB: things that i am very disappointed you never told your best bro about!

TG: oh god

TG: that dastardly mistress cant keep her fucking mouth shut for shit can she

TG: whatever she told you its not true

EB: so you don't have jade over at your house?

TG: no that is true

EB: aha!

EB: i knew it!

TG: you knew what exactly

TG: this is stupid

TG: we have literally reached a point of utter stupidity

EB: oh come on dave we all know you totally have the hots for her!

TG: and weve done it

TG: i didnt think it could get any stupider and it did

TG: and when you say we all know im going to guess you are referring to all two of you

EB: but you didn't say that you didn't like her!

EB: come on dave just admit it.

TG: okay ill admit it

EB: yes!

TG: ill admit that youre an absolute fucking moron

TG: so do you want to meet up or what

TG: were wasting daylight here and im fucking starving

EB: *sigh*

EB: fine, we'll stop talking about it.

EB: but this conversation isn't over!

TG: it never is

EB: i'll text you the address.

 

You grab your phone from beside the computer and stick it into your pocket, getting up from the desk. You were never quite sure what your friends were going to talk to you about on there, but if anything you knew John and Rose would gang up on you without fail. They always seemed to be deeply intrigued by your romantic life, from questioning your sexuality to just teasing you about it in general. Apparently for them they like to beat a dead horse.

You pick up your shades off your nightstand and return them to your face before exiting your room, finding Jade sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal. You grab a bowl from your cupboard and take a seat across from her at the table, taking the box of lucky charms and pouring it into your bowl.

"So, you ready to see your new abode? Shit's probably gonna be wicked tight," you ask her as you pour milk onto your cereal.

"Yeah, I think I am. I'm kinda gonna miss the island, but I can still go back whenever I want to." Shit, you forgot that she just left the only home she's ever known. You hate yourself a lot right now, actually. You drop off the face of the earth and then expect everything to be peachy fucking keen, meanwhile your friends are packing up every worldly possession they own so that they can make sure you're okay because they're definitely not okay. Good job, Strider. You're a fucking asshole.

"I'm sorry I never talked to you," you blurt out suddenly, and she stops eating, placing her spoon on the table as she stares at you.

"What?"

"Jade, I've been a shitty friend to you, all of you really, but especially you. We just got out of several years worth of emotional trauma and the first thing I did was run like I always do. So I'm sorry about that." You're busy staring at the table when all of a sudden you're in a tight embrace with her, your face pressed up against her shoulder.

"Oh, Dave, I forgive you. I could never stay mad at you, not in a million years." You don't mind it when your arms snake around her back and pull her closer, and you definitely don't notice when your heart beats a little faster and the time slows down just a bit, soaking in the moment, one that is yours and only yours to keep.


	3. Chapter 3

"There you two are."

You walk up Rose's driveway to her new house, one that she was insistent on buying even though you insisted it would probably better that she rent out an apartment first. She ignored you in the end, because she's 'Rose Lalonde' and 'more of an adult than you'll ever be'. You can't really argue with that logic.

"Rose! John! I'm so happy to see you!"

Jade sweeps all four of you into one gigantic hug, much like John had the night prior, before she had arrived. You feel a little uncomfortable pressed up against so many people, but they are your friends. You would make an exception for them any day. She releases the three of you a minute later, her face bright and chipper.

"It's good to see you too, Jade!" John exclaims, sending you a surreptitious glance afterward. You'd clock him if it weren't for the fact that Rose and Jade are here and that you are pretty good at keeping your cool. Instead, you merely glare at him from behind your shades, despite him not being able to detect it.

"I suppose you managed to settle into your own apartment fine, Jade?" Rose asks her.

"Oh, yes! It was sure nice to have Dave's help settling in," she answers, and you find yourself feeling like sitting in a corner and hitting your head against a wall. You were never going to escape these wild accusations _ever_.

"I bet it was nice. Dave's a very helpful person." _Cue amused and smug glance towards you._ "Why don't we all sit down inside? I'll make coffee and tea."

You follow behind as she leads you inside her home, quaint and elegant as she described it, perfect for a person of her ilk. You take a seat on her comfy beige couch, immediately propping your feet up on the coffee table.

"Feet off the table, David," Rose reprimands you, shooing them from their resting place. You hear giggling as Jade plops down in the open spot beside you, and you cross your arms.

"My name isn't 'David', it's _Dave_. I shouldn't have to remind you that."

"I'm sorry, would you prefer, 'Insufferable Prick'?"

Your mouth raises in disgust at her before she disappears from the room, leaving you, Jade, and John to your own devices. John watches you two warily for a moment. You ignore both him and Jade to spite him, leaning your chin onto your hand as you rest your elbow on the arm of the couch. He eventually gives up, huffing as he rises from his seat.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

Suddenly you are alone with just Jade, and now you can't help but feel uncomfortable around her. No, John and Rose weren't right about you being in love with Jade. She is your best friend, and you had never even _considered_ . . . okay, well, maybe that was a lie. You might have considered _something_ , but those were different times, different circumstances. Surely it didn't mean--

"Alright, everyone out of the way! I've got a pot full of coffee, a kettle full of hot water, and some mugs full of empty. Take your pick."

Rose reenters the room, setting down a silver platter onto the table with the items she previously listed. You pick up a mug and pour coffee into it, raising the cup to your mouth and cooling the scalding liquid off with your breath before taking a sip. Jade takes some of the coffee too, only she adds creamer and sugar into it. John returns from the bathroom and takes a mug before sitting back down, filling it up with hot water and tossing one of the tea bags into it.

"Okay, so I suppose you were all wondering why we're sitting here drinking tea and coffee instead of going out," Rose begins, and you arch your brow.

"Uh, no, we weren't thinking that at all. I'm pretty sure we were just down for coffee and tea. And I believe food was promised." She shoots you a pointed look.

"There will be food,” she sighs before continuing. “Anyway, I just wanted to say that we need to talk about whatever's been on our chests lately. I know we would like to pretend like we're fine and wear a facade like nothing ever happened, but the fact of the matter is, something did happen. We participated in a game for the course of about five years, and once we won we were thrown back into reality like nothing had ever happened. We still had our homes, and we had aged, but the world around us had not changed a bit. I think we're all a little shocked and confused, to say the least," she finishes, sipping at her cup of tea politely. You're not sure if she's one to talk about emotional trauma, seeing as how she's as poised as a statue from an art museum that's held together for a dozen centuries with barely any damage inflicted. John and Jade don't seem to be prepared to talk, along with you, at least about anything concerning the current state of their psyches.

"I dunno, things are okay," John pipes up, and you notice Jade tense up, her eyes fluttering over to you, unaware that you're watching her. You knew that she was always really good at not talking about how she really felt about things, and you knew for a fact that things were not okay with her. She probably knew the same about you, respectively.

"Hm. Dave, Jade? How are you two?" You were never one to talk about your feelings, especially since Rose was pressing for you to share your issues not only in front of her, but in front of John and Jade, as well. So naturally you weren't going to say anything.

"Nope," you shrug nonchalantly, face placid and unmoving.

"Really," Rose remarks, not so much as a question as it was a quip, as if to say, _"You really expect me to believe that for a second, Dave?"_ Really she should know better than to try to get you to open up like this. It was really sort of stupid for her to hold such a notion.

"Yeah." She glares at you, her lips pursed, but she doesn't continue pressing the issue any further, because she knows she won't receive any sort of response, or at least any sort of response she'd like. She shifts her attention to Jade after that, smiling sweetly.

"Jade? How have you been?"

"Oh, absolutely lovely," Jade lies right through her teeth, but you know as well as Rose that she cracks under pressure very easily.

"Is that so? You're not doing poorly at all?"

"Of course not!"

Even though it's not settled on you, you start to feel the energy shift as the pressure of Rose's gaze on Jade intensifies. You notice John avert his attention to the carpet, eyes wide as he twiddles his thumbs. Something soft grips onto your hand, and you start to feel your heart beat incredibly fast when you realize it's Jade's fingers tenderly squeezing yours for support. You start panicking a bit and you're not sure why but _holy shit Jade is holding your hand and you don't know what to do._ You feel your hand run clammy as you blurt aloud:

"I HAVE MOM ISSUES!"

Your jaw drops immediately after you _EVER_??? You glance nervously over at Rose who shares the same open-mouthed expression as you, along with the rest of the room. You feel like banging your head on the wall now because it'd be a hell of a lot painless than this.

". . . Uh, wow, Dave. I really didn't expect you to be the first one to say anything, let alone say anything at all . . ." Rose says slowly, still trying to process the scene that just unfolded before her.

 _You and me both,_ you think to yourself, but don't bother sharing aloud. You notice that your fingers feel free again, and see that Jade has indeed removed her hand from yours. You relax only a slight bit, still unnerved over the fact that you just let that word vomit pour out of your mouth.

"Yeah, guess that's on the fucking table now," you mutter, leaning your chin into your hand as you prop your elbow back up onto the armrest of the couch.

"I guess . . . Why don't we talk alone, okay? Maybe that'd be better," Rose breathes, rising from her chair. "I'm going to go take an ibuprofen." She exits the room, leaving the three of you alone together. John gets up slowly after her, walking over to pat you on the shoulder.

"Good luck with her, buddy."

"Where the hell are you going?!"

"I am going to go take a long walk and rethink my entire existence. Bye, dude." Just like that John is out the door, leaving you alone on the couch. You immediately prop your feet onto the coffee table, burying your head into your legs.

"Ugh, why did I have to go and blurt shit out like that," you groan.

"Well, you didn't mean it, right?" Jade asks you. You turn your head towards her, looking straight into her vibrant green eyes.

"Oh, I meant it. That is probably the realest you've ever seen Dave Strider in his life, and you got front row tickets to see the whole ordeal. Shit is whack." She offers you a tiny, reassuring smile then, placing her hand onto your back.

"Well, this'll be good, then, I suppose? I know you don't really want to talk about that stuff, but maybe it'll help a little."

"Why do you have to be so optimistic, Jade?"

"I dunno, I guess it's easier that way, sometimes." She heaves a sigh as she rubs your back lightly, chewing on her lip as she looks off into the distance. After a minute or so she turns her attention back to you, her brow scrunched with adorable confusion.

"Why did you say it, Dave?" You shrug.

"I suppose I didn't want you to have to suffer anymore, and it just slipped out."

You readjust your back so that you're sitting upward again, but your feet are still perched upon the edge of the coffee table. You're soon thrown off guard when you feel the same cool, callous fingertips press against your cheeks as your head is pulled towards the side, something soft and slightly wet pressing up against your cheek. Your face flares up immediately after you realize that Jade just kissed you, and you can't make that burning sensation go away.

"Thanks for saving me. I know I'll have to talk eventually, but I . . . Thank you so much, Dave."

You don't want to look over at her but you do but you don't and eventually you shift your head slightly enough so that you can see her out of the corner of your eye. She's resting her weight forward on her arms that are crossed over on her lap, but you notice a hefty pink tinge upon her face. You weren't quite sure what was up, but the world around you seemed to be spinning tenfold. You turn toward her fully after a whole minute has passed, and your mouth opens, ready to say something.

"Jade, I--" you begin, but you're interrupted by Rose's sudden intrusion into the room.

"Alright, Dave, come on. Let's go talk." At first you can't move, and for a second you think you're paralyzed, but then you find that your feet are already taking action, and you're following Rose down her hallway as the living room disappears from sight.

 

~.~

 

"So, you're having mother issues, is that correct?"

"Nah." Rose stops scribbling on her yellow notepad, looking up to glare at you.

"Dave, don't lie to me."

"I'm not!" you exclaim. "Ugh." You bury your head in your hands, your fingers threading through the soft strands of your hair. "Not entirely, at least."

"Okay, okay, I believe you. The only question I have is, why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you say something like that? You're not one to talk about your feelings ever. Why the sudden change of heart?" You almost blurt out the answer aloud to her, but then you bite your tongue back. If you told her the truth, that Jade holding your hand and it made you nervous, it would warrant unnecessary teasing and prodding and poking into something that wasn't really a thing to begin with.

"It was too fucking quiet in there. Shit had me nervous," you lie, your face remaining as impassive as possible (an art you have long since perfected.) You know for a fact that Rose doesn't believe you, but you also know that for as long as she's the one seated in that chair, ugly faded-yellow notepad in hand as she scribbles down whatever the fuck, she'll find out everything she needs from you. She is a sly bastard for certain.

" _Okay_ , I guess I can work around that . . . " She stares at the pad of paper for a second before tossing it onto her bed, facing you after, her lips drawn into a tight line. "Look, I'm going to leave everything off the record between the two of us. No sharing any of this with John or Jade. I just want to know what's bothering you so I can help you out. We all need help, and god knows we can't just waltz up to a psychiatric facility raving about being 'placed in a game that sent the world into an apocalyptic state but don't worry about it we won the game!' We've only got each other, and I know I've been branded as the Sigmund Freud of the group, but how else are we going to get through this?" Her vivid violet eyes watch you with concern, attempting to coax any sort of response from you at this point. You really _really_ don't want to talk about anything concerning your feelings because you are not the kind of person to participate in feelings jams, but you also know that she's only trying her best. You really don't have anyone else in the world to talk to about anything except the three people you experienced the game with.

"Alright, fine, you win," you give in, and she brightens up immediately, crossing her legs and placing her hands onto her lap as she waits patiently for what you have to say. "But I'm _not_ gonna enjoy this."

"I wouldn't expect you to."

" . . . I've been having nightmares, ones that make me wake up in a sweat. It's awful."

"I know," she says plainly.

"You _know_?" you furrow your brow, confused.

"Yes, I do know. What, you don't think John or Jade or I have them too? They're absolutely horrendous. Of course, you would know this if you had tried to talk to us . . . " she trails, throwing that card onto the table.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I was a shitty friend. I just wanted to be alone though, you know? I spent a majority of the game surrounded by a fuck ton of people and I just wanted some peace and quiet."

"For that long?" You shrug.

"I just kind of forgot after awhile. It took me waking up in a sweat a month ago to finally think to contact anyone about it."

"Yes, and then you contacted Jade. Why not me or John?"

"I didn't want you to psychoanalyze the shit out of my life and John always shits on me for waking him up in the middle of the night," you tell her.

"He does seem to do that, doesn't he?" A silence fills the gap in your conversation then as the both of you look around the room, quietly reflecting upon the current situation. "I'm not going to ask you anything further today, except for one thing—and don't get upset with me. I'm just asking as a friend who would like to inquire about the current state of my friend's life. Also, I promise never to bring it up ever again."

"Shoot away, Lalonde."

"Do you have any sort of feelings for Jade?" You groan, rolling your eyes as you rise up from your chair.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh, come on, it's a simple 'yes or no' question! I don't think I'm being too unreasonable here!"

" _Goodbye_ , Rose."

You make a turn for the door, twisting the shiny knob before exiting back into the hallway. You stuff your hands into your pockets as you enter back into the living room where John and Jade are both seated on the couch next to each other, feet propped up on the table as they converse quietly. They notice you enter the room and sit up immediately, brows raised.

"How'd it go?" John asks as you as you take a seat at the armchair across from them.

"Pleasant as always," you answer. "So, who's next?"

"Not me," they both ring out in unison before turning to look at each other.

"I am _not_ going next," John tells Jade.

"No, I insist!" Jade exclaims, pushing his shoulder gently in order to get him to leave.

"Come on guys, it's not that bad. John, why don't you be the awesome brother you claim to be and go next?" you interrupt, offering your own solution. John looks over at you in disgust as if you've betrayed him, ever the drama queen.

"What? There's no way--"

"Oh no."

John turns back to Jade who has contorted her face into the full on puppy-dog look, an expression she downright perfected, especially after dealing with being part dog for a long while. You hadn't had as much time dealing with it, but even you knew that it was hard to deny her of anything while she donned it.

"Oh, _come on_ , Jade. I wouldn't do this to you!" The face only intensifies afterward, and even tears begin to well in her eyes, making you feel like you want to go over there and punch John for whatever it was he did to her. You hear John heave a sigh, and you know she's won.

" _Fiiiiiiiiine_ ," he huffs, raising himself off of the couch as he slinks away towards Rose's room. Jade slumps back onto the couch after that, exhausting a breath of relief.

"You're tricky minx, you know that?" you tell her. She sticks her tongue out at you, folding her arms across her chest.

"I'm not ready to talk to her yet."

"Oh come on, Jade. I talked to Rose." Her eyes flicker up at you, wide with bewilderment.

" _You_ talked?! You never talk to anyone!"

"That's not fair, I do talk to people."

"Name one person you actually told how you were actually feeling to."

"The Mayor." She looks downright unamused as she purses her lips.

"I don't think the Mayor really counts--"

"The Mayor totally counts! Don't you diss that righteous dude, Jade! What did the Mayor ever do to you?!" you exclaim. She stares at you blankly for a moment before erupting into a peal of laughter, covering her mouth as she falls onto her side. It takes you a moment, but soon you're laughing alongside her, too.

"You can be the dumbest person ever sometimes, I swear, Dave." The laughter dies down and you lean into your seat, extending your legs out in front of you as you stick your hands into your jacket pockets. You resort back to your normal, unwavering expression, watching as Jade kicks her feet up onto the couch, lying down on her back with her hands on her stomach as she faces the ceiling. "Thank you, Dave."

"For what? You already thanked me for getting you out of Rose's therapy session, which, by the way, you owe me one." She peers over at you, her buck-teeth protruding from behind her lips.

"No, not for that. And we'll see about that. I meant thank you for making me feel a little bit better. I'm sure you know that I haven't been doing too well lately." You feel your muscles become taut and a lump forms in your throat as you stare back at her from behind your shades. Her silky ebony hair cascades off the side of the couch and her soft green eyes watch you carefully as she bites her lower lip. You don't know why, but suddenly you have the urge to go reach over and tuck a stray strand out of her face.

_What the hell is wrong with you, Strider?!_

What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell is wrong with _her_? She says she isn't ready to talk to Rose, but when it comes to you she's suddenly an open book? You didn't quite understand why she thought you'd be much easier to talk to. She's good enough friends with Rose, you all are, yet she's refusing to talk to her. For some reason unbeknownst to you, you were somehow voted as the best candidate to have a feelings jam with Jade.

"Dave?" You cut back your attention to her.

"Oh, uhhh, yeah. No prob."

God, this is so confusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've had this fic like . . . 75% completed for a while? And this post has been sitting in my drafts for over . . . a year now, maybe? And unfortunately I don't write as much davejade stuff anymore but I still want to, so I'll give a go at finishing this for you lovely people :) It's not my most favorite, and if I was really feeling it I would go back and rewrite a lot of it, but I like it for what it is, and it's mainly going to be a look into Dave and Jade's relationship more than anything. 
> 
> Anyway, please enjoy!!


	4. Chapter 4

It's three in the goddamned morning when you hear a knock at the door, like you've all of a sudden put out an advertisement in the paper that said, "Please come knock on my door during fucking odd hours of the night!" You weren't sleeping much to begin with (Rose was right, as per usual), but you were really holding onto the hope that this would be your first night of restful sleep where you didn't have a single nightmare fuck you up so bad that you forced yourself to stay awake. You sigh and roll out of bed, placing your shades onto your face, accidentally stabbing yourself in the eye with one of the arms in your groggy state before ambling out of your room and up to the front door. You unlock it and pull it open to face the relatively unwanted visitor.

"What do you want?" you ask with a yawn as you stretch your arms over your head. You stop when you finally get a good look and realize it's Jade, staring back at you all doe-eyed. "Uh, what's up, Harls?"

"I couldn't get much sleep and I came to see you. I didn't wake you up, did I?" she frowns.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it. Come on in," you wave her inside, shutting the door once she's inside and turning to face her after. "Give me a sec, I'll throw on some pants and a t-shirt." You walk back into your room a little faster paced since you've finally started waking up, shifting the clothes on your floor with your foot (you haven't done laundry for the week yet) until you find some pants and a half-way decent looking shirt. You pull both on as well as a jacket and shoes, returning to your living room to join her once again.

"You really don't have to stay up if you don't want to, Dave," she urges but you shake your head.

"S'all cool, Harley. I probably would've just woken up soon, anyway. Wanna go to the roof?" She nods her head and follows you out and down the hallway as you lead her up some stairs to the infamous roof where you and Bro had many sword fights, most if not all of which you lost. (There was one time where you won, but it was only a pity victory.)

"Feels weird to be back up here, at least without all the extensions I added to it, huh?" Jade asks with a goofy smile branded upon her face.

"Yeah," you remark with a snort, taking a seat near the edge of the roof.

"Seems kinda dangerous, though. Shouldn't most roofs like this have railings?"

"Well yes, but this isn't exactly your top of the line apartment. It's still pretty cool, though. It's got a nice view of the city at night." You and Jade fall silent for a moment as you watch the lights below, the sound of sirens echoing throughout the surrounding area below. You turn to look at her, and she has her legs drawn up to her chest with her chin resting atop her knees. "Hey, how'd you end up at my apartment? There's like a fuck ton of other ones around here, and I know you've got the money for a nice one. Why this shitty one?"

"Well, we all were going to stay here, but there was only one open, and John and Rose let me have it." _They would._ "Besides, I don't think it's shitty. I think it's a really great place to live, and really nice. Also, I'd like to put on the record that you said no one was nice at all and everyone is really lovely. Maybe it's not really the town that bothers you?" You chuckle slightly, leaning back on your hands.

"You're probably right, but the hell if I knew why." You do kind of know why, now that you think about it, but you weren't going to tell her the reason. She was already able to get up into your mind so easily, and you had no idea how. You could almost swear she was schooled by Rose, but even Rose wasn't that perceptive. Jade just knew you.

"Dave . . . do you not want me here? I'm sorry to ask, I just . . . you're making it seem like you'd like it better if I _didn't_ live in this apartment . . . " she asks all of a sudden, and you're thrown off by the question.

" _God no_ , Jade. Why the hell would you ever think that I wouldn't want you around?"

"Because you've been avoiding me! It was just like how you wouldn't talk to me a while back but you could talk to Rose and John easily, and then now you kind of avoid me even though we live in the same apartment building. I just was kind of getting the feeling that you don't . . . " She sighs, trying desperately to formulate the words into a cohesive sentence. "You just don't seem like you like me anymore. I mean, we're hanging out _now_ , but I had to come wake you up at like, three in the morning! You never want to make the conscious decision to come visit me or hang out or just talk like this. Did I do something wrong?" You feel an ache in your chest when she looks over at you, her eyes wide and her face as pathetic and pitiful as a kicked puppy.

"No, you didn't do a thing wrong, trust me, Jade. If anything it's my stupid fault for making it seem like that," you attempt to reassure her, but it only backfires.

"Please don't give me the, 'It's not you, it's me' speech. I'm sick of those."

"I'm not!" you shout, but calm down immediately when you notice her recoil at your harsh tone. "Look, I'm not trying to make you upset at all. Things have just been fucked up for me, is all. The game fucked us all up, and I'm taking it out on you without knowing it . . . Jesus Christ, I'm sorry, Jade." Her brilliant chartreuse eyes remain sad as ever, but her mouth twitches up into a sort of a smile.

"It's alright. You just have to promise that you'll hangout with me, okay? I want you to try to make at least a little time to hangout with me, is that alright? It doesn't even have to be all the time."

"Anything for you, Jade."

A shiver runs down your back when you say that, because the reality of it hits you. You would do anything for this girl, and you suppose the feeling is mutual. You may love all three of your best friends equally, but out of all of them, Jade understood you the most. She seemed to think you were actually cool, and she took you at more than face value. You and Jade Harley were often on similar wavelengths.

"This is dumb," Jade pipes up a minute later, her eyes still hovering over the many surrounding buildings.

"What is?"

"That we're done with the game but we sit here like it still dictates our lives. It's over and it shouldn't matter anymore, but we're still in this mindset that we're still bound to certain rules, that at any moment we're gonna wake up and find out that we imagined getting out. We're trapped in this endless pattern of thinking—either we're still in the game or we just imagined it all--when in reality, we're just four kids who really can't let go."

"You're too smart for your own good, Jade. Did you know that?"

"I know that you're being sincere when you keep using my first name over and over again." She tilts her head to the side so that you can see her face, her eyes bright and twinkling much like the stars above, a hint of a smile playing at her lips much like the Mona Lisa would adorn. You don't say it out loud, but you know she's too beautiful for her own good, as well.

"Just call me Dave 'Sincerity' Strider," you tell her with a smirk. She snorts and shifts herself so that she's sitting on top of her legs, facing you fully. You feel yourself grow tense again (now a common recurrence around her), but you draw your lips into a thin line, trying desperately not to make any sudden movements. She leans forward carefully, her eyes directly on you as she bites her lip. She reaches over and snakes her index and middle fingers together around your collar, pulling you toward her, her lips hovering next to yours hesitantly. You feel a tremble in your chest that rattles your shallow breathing just enough, and she withdraws and plants a chaste kiss on your cheek before distancing herself once again.

"I think I'm gonna go back to bed, Dave. Good night."

She deserts you on the roof and you don't move at all until you hear the door shut behind her. You let out a breath of relief, rubbing your eyes beneath your shades. Your head was spinning a bit after that, but you're not sure why. A peck on the cheek wasn't ever anything to get flustered over. And yet . . . and yet you think that once it's happened more than once, it starts to become more than that.

And Jade Harley has kissed you _twice_.

 

~

 

\--turntechGodhead [ TG ] began pestering tentacleTherapist [ TT ]--

 

TG: alright so lets speak hypothetically for a moment

TT: Hello, Dave.

TT: I suppose we can do that.

TG: okay so say your parents get a puppy

TG: but youre kind of ambivalent about how you feel about it right

TT: Sort of a weird hypothetical situation . . .

TG: shut up

TG: im not fucking done yet

TT: I'm sorry.

TT: Please proceed further with your strange hypothetical ramblings.

TG: anyway

TG: so you have this puppy and you and the puppy are pretty tight with each other everythings chill

TG: but its not like your favorite thing in the world

TG: and then one day you realize that this puppy really loves you

TG: like youre the absolute greatest fucking person to ever grace the goddamn planet

TG: and suddenly youre like

TG: oh shit i think i love dogs

TT: Is that it?

TG: yup

TT: Okay . . .

TT: I'm not entirely certain of what you want me to tell you.

TG: i dunno

TG: i guess what i want to know is

TG: how do you fix that

TG: what if you dont really know if you want to love dogs

TT: I'd say that would be pretty imbecilic of you.

TT: If you found out that you love dogs that shouldn't be anything indicating a problem.

TT: I'd be a little more concerned if it was something like crack cocaine . . .

TG: so what youre saying is that you basically cant do anything to fix that

TT: I don't know why you would be vehemently against it.

TT: Dogs are wonderful.

TG: yeah they kind of are arent they

TG: well i need to go

TG: adios lalonde

TT: Wait a minute, Dave, don't go yet.

 

\--turntechGodhead [ TG ] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [ TT ]--

 

TT: Damnit, Strider.

 

~

 

"So why are we doing this again, exactly?"

"Rose told me it'd help me get through the trauma."

"And did she also insist that you have someone participate?"

"Yeah!"

"That sly bitch wants to torture me, doesn't she?" You sink deeper into the couch as John pops in Con Air, a movie that you hadn't exactly planned on watching, but mysteriously ended up in a position where you would have to. You don't complain too much, though. You and John hadn't spent much time hanging out and you wanted to spend a day not surrounded by the ladies. You love them, but they drive you absolutely batshit insane sometimes.

"Get ready for the best experience of your life!" John grins as he plops down beside you on the couch, pressing the play button on the DVD remote.

"Yeah, I'm mentally preparing myself over here," you quip, resting your hands onto your stomach. "So where'd the girls say they were going to spend the day again?"

"Jade's taking Rose to the shooting range," John answers. "Which is absolutely hilarious because I cannot see Rose handling a gun." He pauses for a moment as if reconsidering something before adding, "Wait, I take that back. Rose with a gun is absolutely horrifying. I am one hundred percent glad we are not with them."

"Yeah, seeing Jade glistening with sweat while she shoots the hell out of target like the fucking sharp shooter she is would be dumb." You notice John's jaw drop as he turns to face you, his cyan eyes bright as he looks at you excitedly.

"Oh my god, I fucking knew it! You do like Jade, and you can't deny it!" You shift nervously in your seat, and you're about to protest, but you know that John's got you. Any further attempts to prove him wrong would be useless.

" . . . Don't tell Rose," you urge, and he places a hand over his heart.

"I'll take it to the grave, bro. My lips are sealed." He makes a cross over his heart and then mimics zipping up his lips before reaching over to pat you on the shoulder. "Congrats!"

"Yeah, don't read to far into it. I don't even know if this shit is for real or if I've just--" you try to explain, but he interrupts you mid-sentence.

"Dude, just accept it. Besides, I don't know why you wouldn't want to be in love with her. Jade's great!"

"But that's just it, dude. I mean, what if she doesn't like me in the way I think she does--"

"Highly unlikely."

"I just don't know. I would hate to have someone like her drop out of my life. She's fucking incredible." John's mouth twists to the side, his forehead wrinkled with lines of concern.

"You wouldn't lose her that easily. I think we've all been friends long enough that she'd be totally okay with it. We are talking about Jade here, the most friendly, down to earth person in the universe."

"What do I do, man?" you ask him in a moment of desperation. "I mean, it's fucking Jade Harley we're talking about here!"

"You gotta woo her, Dave."

" . . . Woo her?"

"Show her a night out on the town. Take her to the best places in Houston. Woo her." One corner of your mouth turns upward with uncertainty as you glance over at John.

"I dunno . . . " John reaches over and strikes you across the face, and although it doesn't hurt, you're shocked by the action.

"Take the girl on a goddamn date, Dave! You think she's gonna sit around and wait for your sorry ass? No! She's gonna move on to bigger, greener pastures and she'll leave you in the dust all because you didn't have the fucking balls to take her out to get some damn ice cream!"

" . . . Damn, John. You okay?"

"You act like you having a crush on Jade is new, but you've been soft on her since we all started talking with each other. It's always been a back and forth thing, and I just want you two to go out so I can go get some peace and quiet for once," he sighs, rubbing his temples.

"What do you mean by it being a back and forth thing?" you shoot him a speculative look.

"Dude, she dated Davesprite. You do the math. Now can we watch Con Air or what? I need some real, de-stressing therapy now, and I would like to do so by watching one of my favorite movies ever."

You shut up after that, letting John finally press the play button. You sit in silence as it starts, but your head is still twisted around what John said. You must have been pretty damn oblivious to your own feelings, but even then so you still weren't a hundred percent sure. Most of it was due to the fact that it was all Rose or John seemed to ever ask of you, but also because you liked having Jade as a great friend. You didn't really want to complicate anything.

You sit back and avert your attention to the screen, prepared to hate yourself for the next couple of hours.

 

~

 

You awake with a gasp in the middle of the night, sitting upright on your bed as you rub your eyes with your hands. You thought you might get used to just having irregular sleeping patterns, which you were, but now it was just getting plain old. You were sick to death of not being able to sleep for at least five hours consecutively in a night, but you weren't entirely sure what to do about that.

You glance over at the computer, getting yourself off your bed to sit at the chair in front of the old wooden desk. You immediately open up pesterchum, clicking on the handle you want to talk to, wary that they might not respond back. You don't really care, because you've done similar things in the past.

 

\-- turntechGodhead [ TG ] began pestering gardenGnostic [ GG ] at 03:27

 

TG: hey

TG: are you awake rn?

TG: y/n

TG: i guess not

TG: usually you respond right away

TG: well if youre getting sleep then congrats

TG: i am extremely jealous of you

TG: i feel like each night i cut off like ten or so minutes

TG: soon ill get no sleep

TG: ill be that angry old grandpa who yells at kids for being within even a centimeter of his goddamn lawn

TG: why do i always use fucking elderly metaphors around you

TG: whatever

TG: you still sleeping?

TG: guess so

TG: im just gonna keep talking

TG: even though youre not exactly present at the moment

TG: . . . 

TG: hm

TG: im going to pretend i didnt run out of things to talk about

TG: well im technically talking to a computer

TG: im going to pretend im not doing that either

TG: if you were looking for it here are signs that dave strider has finally done an acrobatic fucking pirouette off into the deep end of the pool never to return

TG: you might have to give me cpr

TG: youre certified right

TG: youd love that wouldnt you

TG: lip locking with yours truly

TG: then again cpr isnt like the shit they throw in the movies at all

TG: youd probably crush my fucking ribs trying to get air back into my system before mouth to mouth resuscitation is even considered

TG: ugh

TG: im talking to a fucking computer about lip locking to save my life

TG: heres a newsflash jade

TG: im in love with your computer

TG: all that ram

TG: gets me all hot and bothered

TG: i hate to break it to you but

TG: ive been fucking your computer this entire time

TG: im sorry i should have told you sooner about the grandeur of this forbidden love affair

TG: . . . . .

TG: okay im going to come knock on your door now because im bored and i should have done that to begin with

TG: if you are actually sleeping and i wake you up i am sorry

TG: ill owe you one

 

You remove yourself from your computer desk and shuffle around in the dark, pulling on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and jacket. You find your shades on your nightstand and put them on, then slip your shoes before exiting the room. You leave your apartment and lock up the door before exiting into the barely lit hallway, boarding yourself up onto the elevator when you find it. You push the fourth button and begin descending, waiting until you've reached her floor. A few seconds later the doors slide open and you get off, searching down the hallway for her door.

"Here it is," you say aloud to yourself when you find the apartment door labeled, 'D-14'. You rap your knuckles onto the door a couple of times before pausing, waiting patiently for her to answer. No response comes so you knock on the door again, trying your best to not disturb the other neighbors (not that you ever really cared about them before . . . )

"Jade, are you in there?" You know for a fact that she doesn't leave her apartment this late at night, so you start to get a little worried. You try to keep yourself calm and composed, rationalizing that maybe she's really slow getting out of bed.

Reeeaaaally slow.

You take your phone out of your pocket and call her a dozen times, but you get the same voice mail message over and over again.

Okay, you can officially paint yourself starting to get frantic as hell.

You take your keys out of your pocket, gracious that she gave you a spare one awhile ago. You would never intrude on her privacy without her consent, but you just want to make sure she's okay. You turn the key, pushing open the door once it's unlocked. You step inside and it's essentially dark, save for the light over the stove.

"Yo, Jade, you in here?" No response. "Okay, I'll admit it, you're scaring me a lot right now and normally I wouldn't get this freaked out but you're not answering your phone or anything." It occurs to you that you should probably check her bedroom, but you don't want to do that. That's infringing on her privacy completely, and you know how important that is. You decide against your better judgment to open the door in the end, stepping into her room with your breath held.

Once your eyesight readjusts to the darkness around you, you notice that she's not in her bed, but the light of the bathroom spills out from the crack at the bottom of the door so you assume she's in there. You hear the patter of the water beating down in the shower, alerting you that she must be taking one at the present moment. You sigh with relief, turning to exit until you detect another more restrained sound, almost like muffled sobbing. You turn on your heel and go up to the door, knocking on it.

"Jade, are you alright? I know you're in there." You get no audible answer in return, so you knock again. "Jade, you're really making me freak the fuck out right now, so you better respond or I'm gonna bust in there." You wait a couple of minutes for anything, any sign that she heard you, but you get nothing in return. There's a hitch in your breath as you place your hand onto the door knob, twisting it open slowly until you gain sight of her, finally. Your heart drops a million miles into the ground when you see her curled up on the floor of the shower, her back bobbing up and down with each stutter of a sob. "Holy shit, Jade!"

You quickly grab the towel sitting on the toilet and then reach over, turning off the water. She sits there with her arms wrapped around herself and you step into the shower with her, covering her up with the towel.

"Jesus fucking Christ, you almost gave me a heart attack, Harley," you breathe as you pull her against your chest, holding her close to you as you rest your chin atop her head. You don't care a bit that your clothes are getting soaked through. Your only concern is that you stop her from shivering, because she's _so goddamn freezing_. You don't expect her to talk to you at all yet, but you smooth her hair down as you shush her softly, making sure you're wrapped around her as much as physically possible.

" _They're so terrible_ ," you hear her barely audible whisper about fifteen minutes later.

"I know, Jade. I know."

"Why can't they stop?" She looks up at you then, and your chest aches so badly when you see her eyes tinged red and so full of sorrow. You place your hands delicately onto the sides of her face, drawing her forehead against yours as you close your eyes.

"Because that would be too easy," you answer her, a sadness in your tone. "You think you'd be ready to get out of the shower, now?" She considers the question for a moment before gently nodding her head. You turn your head for a second while you let her readjust her towel, and then you help her to her feet. She's still shaking violently, though not because of the temperature of her skin. You step out first then hold her hands as she ambles out of the shower, her eyes attuned to the floor with intense melancholia.

"Can I go with you?" she asks softly.

"God, of course, Jade. You think I'd leave you alone after this?" She shakes her head in response and you scoop her up into your arms carefully. "I'll just let you use some of my clothes, if that's okay with you."

"Okay." She nuzzles her head into your chest as you carry her out of her apartment, locking the door on the way out. You load the two of you into the elevator and press the button for your floor, waiting patiently until your number appears on the screen. Eventually it shows your floor and the doors slide open and you get off, walking up to your apartment door and opening it, setting Jade down once you're inside.

"Come on, I'll get you something to wear."

You lead her into your room and offer her your black hoodie and a pair of boxer shorts for her to pull on. You turn away from her while she changes, taking off your own shirt and pants and climbing into bed. You turn to put your shades onto the bedside table and then pat the empty spot for her to crawl into. She does so and curls up against you, wrapping her arms around you as you reciprocate the gesture. You know for sure that you'd get a lot of shit for it if John or Rose were to ever find out, but you honestly don't give a damn. Having Jade Harley pressed up against you in bed felt like the most goddamn natural thing on this fucking earth, and you wouldn't give up that feeling for the world.


	5. Chapter 5

You feel cool fingertips on your chest and your eyes flicker open, your chest rising up and down rapidly.

"You were yelling in your sleep," Jade says, her eyes resting on yours, sleepiness still apparent upon her face. You're suddenly very aware of her presence, the way she looks in your clothes, the way her tangled mess of locks tumble onto her shoulder perfectly, the fact that she slept next to you in your bed last night. You really want to reach over and rest your hand on the warm flesh of her cheek but you don't. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I dunno." You feel naked, sitting there with her, not just because you're barely in any clothes to begin with, but you and she have no windows to hide behind, you're so vulnerable to each other. "Do you think we'll ever get over it?"

"Hm?"

"The game. Do you ever think the two of us will ever stop dealing with this shit? It's getting fucking tiring," you tell her as you thread your hands through your hair, heaving a sigh.

"I hope so," she answers you, drawing her legs to her chest. "It's exhausting to have to keep thinking about something that consumed our lives for a few years, something that's over."

"I think game me would've been able to cope with this shit a whole lot easier," you admit.

"Yeah, but that's because we were gods. We were gods and nothing could touch us, but now we've been ripped off our pedestals. It's like we're rediscovering our own mortality through a series of recurrent and traumatizing images." You think about what she says for a moment, the wording of it crafted in a way that made sense. You weren't sure about what John and Rose dreamt about, but you and Jade had death resonating throughout your minds, playing over and over again like a broken record. You look back over at her, reaching over to push a stray lock of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

"What happened last night, Jade?" She grows silent after you ask the question, her eyes shifting to the side as her mouth is drawn into a straight line. She doesn't answer at first, merely contemplating whether or not she wants to share with you what exactly has been making her scream in the night.

"I . . . . I don't know," she finally responds, her voice cracking. "I just remember stepping into the shower after waking up in a sweat, then I remember being curled up on the floor of the shower as you burst in and found me."

"You should probably see Rose," you blurt out after that, and you almost think she'll turn to you and say, _"Oh, you're one to talk,"_ but she doesn't.

"You're right, I should. I don't really think I want to keep it to myself, especially that I'm kind of scared to go to sleep now."

"Well, if you need me for anything--" you start to say, but she finishes the thought for you.

"I know, you're here." The corners of her mouth tug upward into a genuine smile, one that doesn't hide a sadness behind it. You smirk back at her, because she's Jade Harley, and she's cool and amazing and everything in between. You'd smile for that girl any goddamn day of your life, but you'd never admit that out loud. Eventually the warm moment the two of you are sharing passes, and silence trades off with it, giving you time to think.

"Hey, Dave?" You shift your eyes back onto hers, which are shyly hidden behind her arms resting atop her knees.

"Shoot, Har."

"Why me?"

"Huh?" Your forehead creases with confusion as you furrow your brow.

"I wanted to know why you always treated me differently than John or Rose, I guess. I mean, I know you can't be the same with all of your friends, but you always were nicer to me. Why is that?" You feel your cheeks start to burn because _damn_ , you didn't want to answer Jade's question. You never even considered before how you treated each of your friends separately, but now that she sticks it out there like the ugly, goddamn elephant in the room that it is, it throws you off.

"I guess I always got along with you better, in some respects. With John it's like, we're both assholes, so we treat each other like that. Rose is snarky and sarcastic like I am, which now that we know we're related makes plenty of sense," you explain to her, hoping that the answer you gave her would be satisfactory enough.

"How are you with me then? We aren't really all that similar." When she says that, you want to tell her that that isn't really a bad thing, but even then so, you _are_ similar. She fit into places that John and Rose would never quite be able to fit into. Sure, John and Rose both played instruments, but you and Jade were into music in a different respect. You and Jade both forgot things so damn easily, except for her she was able to do something to remedy her situation. You were also opposites that went hand in hand: space and time, hot and cold. She complimented you in a way that you couldn't even begin to fathom.

"Well--" you begin to say, but you hear your phone ring and you rise up immediately to retrieve it, having left it on your computer desk. You see the name flash across the screen, and you answer it immediately. "What's up, Lalonde?"

"It seems that we have all been forgetting something, David," Rose responds, and you let her use of 'David' slide for just this once.

"Oh yeah?"

"Have you managed to check a calendar lately?" You try to manifest the answer to the question of, 'What is the date?', but you are unable to conjure even an approximation of one. Your thing was time, as in secondsminuteshours. The date was a little less achievable.

"Mm, nope. What, is something important coming up?"

"It's April, Dave. April 12th." You nearly drop the phone when she says that, because boy, are you an asshole. You can't believe you were so preoccupied with your own shit that you didn't even take a moment to realize that tomorrow, April 13th, was your best friend's birthday.

"Holy shit, we all forgot John's birthday," you gasp, pressing your hand to your mouth.

"Yes, it seems as though we did so. Is Jade around? I think I've formulated a plan in order to celebrate such an illustrious occasion as this, and I'd like her in on it."

"Yeah, she's here. Let me go get her." You turn towards Jade, who's been listening in on the entire conversation, holding up your index finger indicating for her to wait. She watches you with eyebrows raised, but you wanted to wait a minute before having her on the phone. You didn't want to raise any suspicions with Rose about anything.

"Alright, I'm here," Jade announces to her after you join her on the bed, putting the speaker phone on. "What's up?"

"I'm sure you've already heard that we have all seemed to have let your ectobiological brother's birthday slip from our minds, but I think we can throw together something nice for him. Dave, is it okay if we use your apartment for a party?" Rose inquires of you.

"Uh, sure. I mean, it's a little messy, but--"

"I'll help you clean up, Coolkid," Jade interrupts you, giving you a smile that makes you really wish that she weren't sitting on your bed next to you in your clothes, sunlight pouring in through the window and kissing her russet skin delicately.

"Alright, it's settled then," Rose breaks your train of thought, pulling you back to reality. "I'll work on getting the decorations and such, but you two are on your own for presents and food."

"Aye-aye, Captain Lalonde," you mimic saluting her, earning a giggle out of Jade.

"Goodbye, you two."

She hangs up the phone, leaving you back to your messy apartment with windows that haven't been washed in a long time and a girl who you may or may not hold close to you in your ice cold heart. She watches you carefully with those alarmingly stunning chartreuse irises of hers, willing you to say something, anything. The sense of sorrow that you two held from before lingers in the air again, and you remember that you and she are broken, broken, _broken_ \--

"Dave, what do you dream of when you sleep?" And there it is. The jackpot question hanging from both of your tongues, finally rolling off hers with such grace that you almost spit out the answer right away.

"Gee, Har, I don't know if I should--"

"Dave," she says with such force, more of a command than a suggestion from her, because she's not going to let the question go, she's not going to receive some shitty, smart-alecky answer from you. She's Jade Harley and she demands the truth, but even then the truth can hurt some times. It's almost like a sword piercing through your chest.

"I-I can't," you find yourself stammering, and you feel like an absolute idiot but she's asking so much of you, too much of you. She's asking for you to open up, and she's asking the wrong person.

" _Dave_ ," she beckons more softly this time, her eyes pleading with yours, and you hate the fact that you don't have your shades on at the moment.

"Fine," you give in, turning away from her. "I . . . I always have these really intense visions of all of you dying, and they replay over and over and over again because I _had_ to see those timelines, I could just see all of them displayed in front of me like they were some sort of fucking sick, twisted film that I was being forced to watch. They were so vivid at first that I couldn't even bear to talk to any of you. That's why I shut myself off from you guys. Then it just kept happening on repeat, like my mind had exhausted everything and now it's just playing the same images on an endless cycle." She's quiet for a long moment, and you don't shift to face her. You don't know why you told her all of that, but it just became easy to tell her once the words began tumbling out of your mouth.

"So, when you had stopped talking to me the most, it was because--"

"Because I saw you die the most," you finish for her, wincing when you hear yourself say it. You'd seen so many mangled Jade's that it was unbearable for you to even want your head to touch a pillow, but you swallowed your pride and did it anyway, letting that looming darkness start to seep into your mind. You feel a tug on your arm suddenly, and you move your head and see Jade all teary-eyed, her arms open for you. You pull your legs onto the bed completely and lean against her, pulling her in as tightly as possible as she does the same.

"I-I've been dreaming about that day on LOFAF," she whispers into your ear, and your eyes widen when you hear it. You know exactly what she's referring to, her having to constantly face death, because if there's anyone constant in her life it's the fact that she's seen you dead too many times to count, more than any person should have to. You lean back and cup her red, puffy face in your hands, wiping away stray tears with your thumbs. You press your forehead up against hers, furrowing your brows as you grimace.

"God, we're so fucked up."

 

~

 

You had long since cleaned up after your unfortunate feelings jam with Jade, something of which you planned not to repeat. The air between the two of you felt a little more raw now, however, and you spoke very little with her. Nonetheless, it was your best bro's birthday, and that seemed to brighten things up, momentarily in the least.

"Did you finish baking that cake yet?" You call out to Jade who is currently busy in your kitchen, baking things with ingredients you had never even owned prior to this occasion. You left her to do any sort of cooking or baking, because you're pretty terrible at that shit and even she knows it. You also figure that since she's related to John she'll have some sort of innate sense of baking that you nor Rose could ever hold a finger to. When you smell the smoke in the air your assumptions are quickly debunked, and you hear her shout shout from the other room, "Shit!". You roll your eyes and sigh, removing yourself from your almost clean window in order to remedy the situation. You grab your keys off your dresser and walk out into the kitchen where Jade is busy fanning the burnt-as-fuck cake with an oven mitt.

"I'm sorry, Dave!" she exclaims when she notices you, but you only shake your head, removing the oven mitt from her hand and tossing it on the counter, jingling your keys in front of her face afterward.

"How about we go buy a cake from the store? I think that probably would've been better in the first place."

"Good idea."

 

~

 

" . . . I am very disappointed in you guys," Rose announces after careful consideration and staring at the pitiful display that is your food table for the party.

"Rose, I have no clue why you thought either of us was capable of cooking a goddamn decent meal. I am basically cooking and baking challenged and Jade just reached the unfortunately short end of the gene pool," you shrug.

"Hey!" Jade pouts, but you merely ignore her.

"Alright, you have a fair point. Let's just get the rest of these decorations up before he gets here." She hands you some streamers and Jade a banner that reads, 'Happy Birthday, John!' and gets back to making the rest of the room aesthetically pleasing to her own taste. You stare at the cylinders of blue and green paper in your hands for a moment, thinking how in the world you could possible string this shit around the room, until you're summoned by Jade.

"Dave, come here!" she calls out, and you toss the streamers onto the couch, walking over to see what she needs.

"What's up?"

"I need you to lift me up," she instructs, pointing to the top of the wall.

"Can't you just get a chair or some shit--" you start to protest, but she furls her brow, pursing her lips as she stretches her arms out.

"Lift me!" You mutter under your breath as you bend down to wrap your arms around her legs and hoist her up. She isn't all that difficult to carry and you are easily able to walk her closer to the wall. The only problem with holding her, meanwhile, is that her boobs press up against your face, sending your shades askew as you try (really hard) to keep yourself as calm as possible. You notice Rose shoot you a smug look from across the room, and you flip her the bird to the best of your ability. Your attention is soon recaptured by Jade's cleavage, and you find yourself straining to keep your cool even more now. Damnit, why did she have to wear a dress like that, and flaunt them in your face, nonetheless?

You then remember that it's your best bro's birthday, and you should probably keep dirty thoughts about his sister down to a minimum.

"Okay, now we'll have to do the other side." She points over to the other side of the wall and you shuffle over carefully, which proves to be difficult when your attention is split like it is. You make it over and she leans up against you again, pinning up the other end of the banner. You find a few more thoughts flow into your mind: imp guts, John's Nana's saggy bosoms, the brain in a jar. Anything to keep you at bay.

"We done?" you ask her after one long, drawn out, grueling minute.

"Yessir!" she exclaims and you drop her on the ground, returning to your original job with the streamers. Jade exits the room to go make a call to John.

"Were you enjoying your view?" Rose interrupts your train of thought, a shit-eating grin still apparent upon her face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you spit back, but even you know your cheeks are giving you away right now. Damn them, being the only thing that you can't cover up. They were all too telling during situations like this.

"Playing dumb will only get you so far, my dear brother," she chuckles. "So, are you going to make an honest woman out of her?"

"What?"

"Take the girl on a date, Dave."

"I don't know if I'm comfortable getting dating advice from someone who is technically my sister," you scratch your arm. She manifests a magazine in her hands and swats you on the arm.

"Ask her out like a normal human being would! Is that honestly a difficult task?"

"Harder than you think." Your attention shifts when Jade enters the room again.

"Okay, so Operation: Throw-John-A-Birthday-Party is a go!" Rose reaches over and grabs something off the table, the metal clanking together.

"I'll go pick up the doofus of the hour. You two . . . talk," Rose chooses her word with precision, exiting out the front door and deserting you and Jade.

"Talk about what?" Jade wonders aloud, puzzled.

"Eh, whatever the hell we want to talk about, Harley. You save that little number for special occasions such as these?" You gesture towards her dress and hope she doesn't get the real implications for your nonchalant inquiry about it, and to your luck she doesn't.

"Oh, this old thing?" She sounds like a stereotypical teenager from a shitty romcom. "I dunno, I just wanted to look nice for this. John is finally catching up to us in numbers, after all!"

"Suddenly I feel underdressed and like shit," you joke, but she doesn't understand that, her face twisting in worry.

"Oh no! I wasn't saying you looked bad! You look absolutely perfect!" She says that and her skin flushes pink.

"My, my, Harley, quite the flatterer. Before I know it, you'll whisking me away to my bedroom demanding that you take the only thing that matters to me—my virginity," you tell her, pretending to swoon. You were too good at masking your own emotions, but Jade, well, her cheeks were flaring up redder than a firetruck.

"That's not what I meant!"

"You don't want to take my virginity? I have to say, Jade, it's hardly civil to leave a peach like me untouched and waiting. Actually, it's borderline rude."

"I don't know what's happening," she whines, and you realized you've turned too much charm on this time (was that even possible?) You dial it back a hell of a lot for her sake, but you also file away the information that you were very good at making her squirm.

"Uh, why don't we just clean the place up a bit more before Egbert gets here," you save her from further embarrassment. She nods her head and runs to the bathroom, leaving you alone in the living room.

_Good job, Strider. Way to come on too strong. You'll surely get a date with her, now._

You heave a sigh as you shift things around in a way that might make your apartment look "aesthetically pleasing". Hell if you knew exactly what that was, because you were not one to care about that shit. The drab gray walls and dingy carpet proved that. Jade bursts out of the bathroom not a moment later, announcing the soon arrival of John.

"We've gotta hide or something!" she exclaims.

"Hide where?" She has no time for silly questions, though, and she grabs you by the collar, pulling you in front of the couch. You hear soft chatter from beyond your front door and the twisting of metal as Rose pushes the door open.

"Surprise!" You watch Jade leap up from her hiding spot with much enthusiasm before she looks back down at you pointedly. "Dave, you were supposed to yell it, too! Ugh, I swear. sometimes you're too cool for your own good!" That was definitely meant as an insult.

You raise yourself up from the floor slowly, facing the goofy grin from across the room.

"Happy birthday, Egbert," you acknowledge him, sending him a curt wave of the hand.

"You guys! You didn't have to do this for me!" he says, being too modest, but you can tell how much he appreciates the gesture. It's something he needed, just to bring his spirits up, and you suppose the rest of you feel it, too.

"Of course we did, John. I mean, you only turn nineteen once in your life," Rose smiles as the both of them fully enter into the room, closing the front door behind them. Jade waves you over to the table and you follow her.

"Alright, so we were only able to find one present for you, really, but I figure you'll love it all the same." Jade thrusts the neatly wrapped package in front of John (her own handiwork) and he grins as he gently lifts the paper from the tape. He takes his time with it as if savoring the moment, and you really can't blame him. It's been awhile since any of you have celebrated your birthdays, at least properly. As soon as he's whittled away all the wrapping paper and ribbon he takes the top of the box off, setting it down carefully on the table as he removes the contents of it.

"I . . . I can't believe you guys!" John exclaims as he lifts his present up in the air, admiring it. "You got me a Ghostbusters T-Shirt!"

"We guessed that you've probably missed your old one, so when we saw this we had to get it!" Jade smiles widely. You remember something all of a sudden, walking away from your friends momentarily to retrieve something from your counter before handing it over to the blue-eyed boy.

"Yo, Egbert, here's a little something extra. I was thinking you could buy yourself something cool with it, like, I dunno, a piano or some shit." His eyes light up even wider when you explain it to him, and as soon as you know it, the four of you are bound together in a tight hug by John.

"You're all too good to me! I don't deserve any of this!" he chuckles.

"Yeah, well, if Lalonde hadn't destroyed your old one--"

"Don't you start with me, _Strider_ ," Rose growls, but you become distracted again when the embrace becomes even tighter.

"Thank you," you hear him mutter softly, and you can't help but grin.

_Geez, Strider, growing a bit soft, are we?_

"Alright, alright, can we quit it with the sap fest? We've still got some cake to eat and we'll have plenty of time to bond later," you wiggle your way out of your friend's grasp, sticking your hands into your pockets.

"Yes, I suppose Dave is right. I'll grab the utensils if you'll help me get the silverware, John." John nods his head as they make their way into your somewhat of a kitchen.

"You didn't tell me you were giving him a little something extra," Jade says as she slides up next to you. Her arm is barely a centimeter away from yours, but you can feel warmth inch its way up your body, your pulse a bit faster than you'd like to admit.

"Yeah, well, I just felt like he needed it. He mentioned to me not too long ago that he wanted a new one, he was just strapped for cash. I had forgotten about it until earlier this afternoon, so I took some money out of my account when we were out. I've got plenty of money to blow on John, really all of you, for that matter." She turns her head and stares at you for a moment, scrutinizing you with her eyebrows furled.

"You like to think of yourself as some sort of bad guy sometimes, Dave, but I know you're just putting on a facade for whatever the reason may be. You shouldn't keep yourself under such tight lock and key, you know? Especially around us, since we're your friends." You make the mistake of stealing a glance at her eyes, bright and pleading as ever. She always knew how to work them to her own advantage, and even you have fallen victim to them. They're part of the reason she's got such a tight chokehold on your heart--they always manage to pull you right back to them.

"You make me sound soft," you mutter, turning away from her gaze. Something rough brushes up against your hand and suddenly you feel her fingers intertwined with yours, a lump forming in your throat.

"No, I make you sound human."

"Alright, who is ready for some cake?" Jade's grasp on your fingers loosens and she averts her attention to John.

"Me for sure!" Rose hands Jade a piece of the chocolate cake with the vanilla frosting that the two of you picked up from the store earlier. She then hands you a plate and then one to herself and John.

"You better enjoy this cake, Egbert. Shit's authentic. We baked it with our own two hands, a perfect display of confectionery goodness wrapped in a cascade of sugary frosting. We should have our own Food Network show," you say before you take a bite of it.

"Yeah right, I saw the box it came in with the price tag on it. You can't pull one over on me, Strider," John grins. "To be honest, I'm glad it came from the store. I know for a _fact_ that none of you can bake, not even Jade. You'd probably burn down the place or something."

"Actually . . . " Jade trails and you nudge her slightly with your elbow, shaking your head.

"Don't let him have this one, Har. He'd never let it go." She doesn't respond but you notice the hint of a smile play upon her face. You finish up with your cake and then toss the paper plate in the garbage, Rose, John, and Jade following suit.

"So what do you wanna do now, John? Anything you want, we'll do it. It's your day, after all," Jade asks him.

"Hmm, I suppose we could finish off the night with a movie? I think I'd like that."

"Of course we can do that, John. Do you know what you want to watch or do we need to pick it up from the store or something?" He considers it for a moment before developing a mischievous smirk.

"I would like to watch--" _No._ "Little Monsters." _Goddamnit, no._

Why is John so good at picking out shitty movies? You groan as you walk over to your DVD cabinet, retrieving the sinful movie.

"You're so goddamn lucky that I own a copy. I so would not have picked that up from the store, especially not since it's your birthday." He chuckles and the three of them plop down on your couch as you insert the DVD into the player, turning on the TV afterward and adjusting it to the correct input. You take a seat on the couch on the end, right next to Jade.

"I feel like we need popcorn or something to--"

"If you want popcorn, you can get up and make it yourself. I have paid off all my birthday dues for the day, so why don't you ask Boo Radley or Scooby Doo over here to help you out with that?" you tell him as you lean back into the couch, your arms crossed behind your head.

"Excuse me, Boo Radley?" Rose glares at you pointedly.

"It was either that or Beetlejuice."

"I don't know if I can really complain about Scooby Doo," Jade shrugs.

"Alright, alright, let's start the damn movie already! I demand it!" John exclaims, and you roll your eyes as you press the play button on the remote, ready to watch yet another shitty movie with the best friends you could ever ask for.

 

~

 

"C'mon, guys, time to get up. The movie's over and John and I are out of here," Rose yawns as she taps your shin with her foot lightly. You jerk awake and try to move, but it seems something is holding you in place like a paperweight on a desk. Your vision focuses and you see the source of the problem: Jade is sleeping against your chest. Your eyes flicker up to Rose in a moment of slight panic, but she seems too tired to even comment about it, let alone shoot you speculative glances. You wave to them as John grabs his things, following Rose out of your apartment. Your attention returns to Jade who is making it really hard for you to want to move. You finally give in, however, and you move yourself ever-so-slightly in order to jostle her from sleep.

"Hmm," she groans as she shifts around against you. You shake her a little bit more, earning a more coherent response this time.

"Okay, I'm up. I get it." Slowly but surely she pushes herself off of you, stretching with a yawn attached.

"You get bored of it and fall asleep right away, too?" you ask her.

"You know, that was probably the first real bout of sleep I've had without waking up in a cold sweat screaming," she says as her bright green eyes flicker over to you. "I probably could've slept even longer if you didn't wake me."

"Well goddamn, I think we've finally cracked the code. In order for us to get some sleep all we have to do is play 'Little Monsters' on the TV and let our minds whisk us away to absolute boredom." You arch your back as you rise from the couch, offering a hand to help her up. "God, I feel like we're fucking old. And not the 'oh we've been playing a game for seven odd years since we were thirteen' old. I'm talking 'Marty get the denture cream and call the chiropractor because this back ain't gettin' any younger'."

Jade giggles as you lead her to the door, quickly grabbing her purse off the table as you pass by. You swing the door wide open and hand her the bag as she steps out into the hallway, allowing you to lean against the frame of the door.

"You sure know how to throw a party, Strider," she tells you, a grin plastered upon her face.

"Hell yeah I do. I'm the fucking King of Raging Parties. Oh, you thought I was the Knight of Time? Fuck that noise. My main skills are throwing fucking bombass parties and getting all the chicks just by glancing at them. I leave behind a lot of broken hearts daily."

"I'm sure you do," she winks at you before dropping the whole act you two were performing in the hallway of the apartment complex. "I suppose I should go now." She points to her left and you nod your head, scratching the back of it with your right hand.

"Uh, yeah. See ya later, Harls." She waves before disappearing down the hallway, and you walk inside, closing the door behind you. You lean against the wall, exhausting a sigh as you rub your eyes.

_You should've asked her out. You should've kissed her. You should've done something--_

You're interrupted by a knock on your door, and when you swing it open again with slight confusion apparent on your face, you suddenly feel lips pressed against yours.

Jade's lips.

_Jade is kissing you._

Your blood starts pumping faster and your mind is a swirl as you gather your thoughts, reaching your hands up to cup the sides of her face. She pulls away, though, her eyes wide as she presses her fingers to her lips.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I just had to--" she tries to apologize but you cut her off.

"Jade?"

"Yeah?"

" _Just stop talking_."

You pull her lips against yours this time, closing the space between the two of you. With your free hand, you close the door to your apartment and then rest it on her waist, focusing on every little detail you can wrap your head around. The heat between you was rising, almost comparable to that of the sweltering air of Texas. You can't help but think that you're on top of the world, because you wanted this _so badly_ , scratch that, you _needed_ this with such an urge that an ache would swell in your chest.

You are kissing Jade Harley, and for once in your life, that's all that really matters.

 

~

 

_Plunk._

Shit. Try again.

_Plunk._

That didn't do it. One more time.

_Plunk._

"Fuck this shit."

You don't attempt to skip another stone because you've already tried it ten times over, and you're already frustrated enough as it is. Nothing in your goddamn life can go right no matter how much you try to control it. Fate has slipped from your grasp and is just swirling in a tumult of your own fears and failures. Life is a piece of shit, that's what it is.

You hear your phone ring for the dozenth time and you choose to ignore it again. You're not in the mood for talking and you don't intend on changing your mindset about that. The ringing refrains a moment before going off again. You dig your hand into your pocket and take it out, clicking on the power button, illuminating the lock screen.

_Calling—Rose Lalonde_

Yeah, fat chance of you answering _that_ one.

You hit the ignore button and return it to your pocket, crossing your legs loosely against your chest as you drape your arms over your knees.

_Why do I always have to fuck up so badly?_

Because you're Dave Strider, the Lord of Fucking Up, that's why.

Call it what you want, that you were ironically, semi-ironically, unironically at all, or just plain wholeheartedly in love with Jade Harley, it just isn't something you can control. You can't control anything.

Your phone rings again and you extract it from your pocket, expecting to see a familiar picture of a blonde with the name 'Rose Lalonde' typed across the screen, but that soon proves to be untrue. Instead, it's a goofy, black-haired glasses-wearing kid. You almost press 'ignore', but you quickly change your mind at the last moment. You hit 'answer', bringing the phone up against your ear.

"Dave Strider, Asshole Extraordinaire, speaking. Who may I ask is calling?"

"Dave," John answers in a flat tone, meaning 'serious business', "C'mon, what's up?"

"Oh, I'm sure you already know. I'm sure it's plastered on all the billboards within a 100-mile radius of here," you remark. John makes a clicking sound from his end.

"Drama queen." The one and only. "Anyway, get serious. I really don't know what happened. That's why I'm calling you."

"Did you speak to her?"

"Well, which 'her' are we referring to here? I know about two off the top of my head who could fit that description."

"Don't play coy with me, Egbert. The one who isn't a snarky blonde with weird wizard and tentacle paraphernalia fetishes."

"Oh."

"Yeah." You lean your weight back onto your left hand while you await his response.

"So, did you get into an argument or something?"

"Nope. Not quite like that. The opposite, actually. Everything was one hundred percent fan-fucking-tastic."

"And then . . . ?"

"And then we kissed last night."

"What? That's awesome! I don't know why this is an issue--"

"I'm not finished with the story. If it was that simple we'd be out celebrating what a fucking bombass hero I am for winning the girl of my dreams here."

"Right." You heave a sigh as you collect your thoughts, bracing yourself for saying the inevitable aloud.

"She just started screaming."

"What?"

"In the middle of us making out she just started screaming. She pushed me off of her and ran out the door and down the hallway, and that's all she wrote."

Ah. Radio silence. Your favorite response.

"Look, it's not even that big of a fucking deal--"

"Yes it is, Dave."

"No it's not, John. It's just another shitty moment in the life of Dave Str--"

"Talk to Rose." _What._

"What? Why the hell would I do something like that?!"

"Because she's your sister, and because she's better at handling everyone's psychological issues! I know you don't want to talk to her because _shit_ , I don't even want to ever talk to her. None of us do. But she knows how to deal with this stuff, and if you'll let her just listen she'll probably have some good advice." You want to shout at John that he should mind his own goddamn business and spew profanities off at him, but you also know he's right. If you had shit to talk about, Rose Lalonde was always there to listen.

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Good, I'm glad you agree. Now go call her, dude." The conversation cuts off, leaving you to the gentle sound of water caressing the shore. You unlock your phone and find Rose's number in your contacts list, hitting it in order to phone her. The line rings for a moment before she answers.

"It's about damn time," she huffs from the other end, but quickly regains her composure. "Anyway, I think you and I need to have a little chat. Spill the beans, Strider."

"The beans are here and ready to be spilled, Lalonde." You run your fingers through your hair as you think over exactly what you want to say to her. John was right when he said you needed to talk to your ecto sis, so you were going to spill all the beans and then some. You just wish it wasn't so goddamn difficult to articulate.

"She's not . . . I'm not . . . Look, we finally kissed the other day and then we were making out and then she started screaming and pushed me away before running down the hallway. I know it's not her fault and I know why it happened, but . . . . . It's not going to work out."

"What isn't going to work out?"

"Me and Jade, Rose." You hear a stagger of a breath from her end of the line.

"Quit being overdramatic."

"That's just it, Rose. I'm being entirely sane right now. No overdramatization. This ain't Romeo and Juliet. We're not Hamlet-ing the shit out of the situation. I'm just telling it like it is."

"Then why, pray tell, do you think you and Jade aren't going to work out?"

"It doesn't take rocket science to discover the durability of our relationship. We just have too much history. Every time we're near each other we're destined to be pulled apart. We might as well be one of Shakespeare's scrapped, shitty tragedies."

"What are you saying, exactly?"

"Jade and I, we're both so in love with being broken," you answer her plainly, "Because we're so goddamn good at it."

"And . . . ?"

"And I can't be with her. Even the universe seems to recognize that Dave Strider and Jade Harley are not meant to be, and that's on a cosmic fucking scale." You bury your head into your hand, rubbing your face with it out of pure exhaustion.

" . . . Hm. I see. Have you expressed this to her yet?"

"No, I didn't really have the time to put it into those words exactly. It's kind of a sudden realization. Took her sprinting down the hallway for me to face the reality of it, really . . . God, I don't think I can look her straight in the eyes and admit that, though. It'd be too fucking painful, for the both of us." You allow Rose a minute to mull this information over, which must be difficult to process due to the fact that you've never been so blunt and raw with her about any detail of your life before. You're not even sure if you've processed it yet, to be honest.

"I think you're handling this situation very maturely, about not being in a state in which the two of you can pursue a healthy relationship," she announces, breaking the silence.

"Thank you."

"But I do think you're wrong about some things." You raise your brow.

"Oh yeah? What am I wrong about, exactly?"

"I think you and Jade are extremely compatible with each other, and that you love her more than you're letting on. Perhaps if you give it some time, eventually the two of you could potentially work things out in the end."

The gravity of Rose's words ring throughout your mind, leaving your head spinning. Time? You considered yourself a master of it. But did you want to wait centuries to see if there's even a sliver of a chance of you and Jade making things work? Honestly, you'd wait a millenia for that girl, but you're not sure if you could handle keeping yourself built up like that. You wanted her to be free from the chains that bound the two of you so closely. You didn't want to do that to Jade, not in a million years.

"I don't think so, Rose."

"Listen to me, Dave. I'm not saying this as your therapist, I'm definitely not saying this as your sister, I'm saying this as your friend—don't you ever give up on that girl. If you love her now, then chances are you'll love her a million times over if you just wait. Sure, Jade isn't going to wait around forever, but she'll wait long enough. She knows what she wants, and if it's my idiot ecto-brother, then so be it. You'd be doing her a disservice by giving up, I'll tell you that. I know for a fact that the two of you are supposed to be together."

" . . . Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay, I'll wait for her. But if I find out that I was right and my life is still shit, then you owe me."

"What would I owe you exactly, my dearest brother?"

"I don't know, but if it ends up turning sour, then you'll find out. It'll have to match the scale of losing the love of my life."

"Awwweee, Dave," she coos from the other end, and you really wish you could reach through the phone and clock her, so to speak. "The love of your life!"

"Oh shut up, Lalonde."

"Likewise, Strider."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I've posted a lot tonight, but this is all I have for now. I suspect there are two chapters left, and one of those two chapters is mostly done (or it might be done, but I'll check on that later.) I'll try and finish it up as soon as I can, and thanks to all who read this! :)

**Author's Note:**

> In light of recent events I have decided to start posting this fic. I know I have another unfinished post-SBURB fic that I wrote awhile ago, but the chances of me ever finishing that are slim to none, unfortunately. I tend to lose interest with things pretty easily :/ 
> 
> Anywho, this one will be a little on the sadder side. Dave and Jade take the brunt of trauma from the game, and so they're forced to cope with things (John and Rose too but the focus is on Dave and Jade). I kind of really like this one and I have a majority of it finished, so here's hoping I'll get it all done! Sorry for another obligatory post-sburb fic with the stereotypical disconnecting Dave but I'm also not sorry. Also can I ever stop making these fic titles after song related things?? Go listen to the song it's a good one okay bye.


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